The Rat Race
So now that August and I are part of the rat race, the lessons from Our Town, the rules by which I have tried hard to live by, most of my adult life, are more important than ever. It's important to stay present and be mindful of how we spend our time. I try to make the most of every moment we have together, however, that can easily become an anxiety driven chore of watching the clock. August and I were fortunate enough to not be clock watchers for 5.5 years. Now that we race against time, we are both grumpy, melancholic, miss each other and not adjusting well.
While she draws pictures of the two of us wearing sad faces and sporting sad hearts, I am at work trying to keep a stiff upper lip. The work I do is very good at consuming all the space in my head. I hug a small stone August gave to me one morning with the instructions to hold it tight when I think of her. I use my lunch hour to plan how we will spend the day once we are able to grab it and pull it out of the hands of status quo... Never have I wanted us to be off the grid than I do now. The fantasy of a tiny house and living off a garden, selling eggs, vegetables and wool for money and just spending our days doing the things that could almost guarantee regret-free lives. Is there such a thing?
I went to college, five hours away from all the people I loved and cried for months about it. That's who I am. I can't say I wish I had studied more, that I learned a lot, that I even accomplished much. After my Granpo died I did wonder of all the things I could have learned had I been able to stay home and visit him daily like I did before I left for college. He was so active until he turned 88 and was working his small 1.5 acres until then. He took with him the wisdom and know-how I wish I had today, to be able to successfully keep a homestead.
On my way to work I do wonder: What are we all doing? What have we all gotten ourselves into? Nothing will change the system of putting what is unimportant before what is important. There are books, articles, so much is said of how to focus on what is important in life. However, they are short-sighted. As long as we give 8 hours or more to a job and send our children to schools to learn to whittle away 8 hours a day, the meaning and happiness of life will elude us.
In being unemployed there was much stress, however, I was able to push away the constant worry of no pay check and focus on my child's words: "...at least we can be together, Mommy." And together we were and she learned to read, do math, learn about her world but mostly play. We played with clay and dolls and made puppets and acted out stories we read... Play is invaluable for young and old. It stimulates creativity, relaxes the mind so good thoughts find their way in. It keeps you young.
She tells me her class has no toys and they don't play much. So when we finally get home I say let's play! And I remember the feeling of getting home from school and into my play clothes. I plan our meals so I can just throw healthy and wholesome ingredients into a pot or two and just go play with my most favorite person in the world until the dinner is ready. I am trying hard to put the rush into the tasks of cleaning and prepping and slowing down with what is really important.
While at the job, when I have things in a certain place, I send my mental messages to August with the hopes that she catches some of them. Thoughts travel faster than light. I throw some thoughts into our future too, one where the focus is on what we value and think is important. Hopefully this new life of ours can run smoother and smoother with each week.
What do you do to bring balance into your life?
While she draws pictures of the two of us wearing sad faces and sporting sad hearts, I am at work trying to keep a stiff upper lip. The work I do is very good at consuming all the space in my head. I hug a small stone August gave to me one morning with the instructions to hold it tight when I think of her. I use my lunch hour to plan how we will spend the day once we are able to grab it and pull it out of the hands of status quo... Never have I wanted us to be off the grid than I do now. The fantasy of a tiny house and living off a garden, selling eggs, vegetables and wool for money and just spending our days doing the things that could almost guarantee regret-free lives. Is there such a thing?
I went to college, five hours away from all the people I loved and cried for months about it. That's who I am. I can't say I wish I had studied more, that I learned a lot, that I even accomplished much. After my Granpo died I did wonder of all the things I could have learned had I been able to stay home and visit him daily like I did before I left for college. He was so active until he turned 88 and was working his small 1.5 acres until then. He took with him the wisdom and know-how I wish I had today, to be able to successfully keep a homestead.
On my way to work I do wonder: What are we all doing? What have we all gotten ourselves into? Nothing will change the system of putting what is unimportant before what is important. There are books, articles, so much is said of how to focus on what is important in life. However, they are short-sighted. As long as we give 8 hours or more to a job and send our children to schools to learn to whittle away 8 hours a day, the meaning and happiness of life will elude us.
In being unemployed there was much stress, however, I was able to push away the constant worry of no pay check and focus on my child's words: "...at least we can be together, Mommy." And together we were and she learned to read, do math, learn about her world but mostly play. We played with clay and dolls and made puppets and acted out stories we read... Play is invaluable for young and old. It stimulates creativity, relaxes the mind so good thoughts find their way in. It keeps you young.
She tells me her class has no toys and they don't play much. So when we finally get home I say let's play! And I remember the feeling of getting home from school and into my play clothes. I plan our meals so I can just throw healthy and wholesome ingredients into a pot or two and just go play with my most favorite person in the world until the dinner is ready. I am trying hard to put the rush into the tasks of cleaning and prepping and slowing down with what is really important.
While at the job, when I have things in a certain place, I send my mental messages to August with the hopes that she catches some of them. Thoughts travel faster than light. I throw some thoughts into our future too, one where the focus is on what we value and think is important. Hopefully this new life of ours can run smoother and smoother with each week.
What do you do to bring balance into your life?
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