It's going to snow...

We got 11.2 inches of snow, it was amazing, it was wonderful! On Monday morning my daughter woke me up at 5:45 am to take her out in the snow. I had the alarm set for 6 am. We got dressed in all the wool and snow gear I had been collecting for years and out we went. We threw snowballs, made snow angels, walked around the street and then returned home for breakfast. No sooner did we enter our home when the electricity shut off. We had hot water for several hours after the shut off which was a blessing.

I ordered a curbside and added a small grill and charcoal to it, hot canned soups, bread and cheese. When we arrived for pick up there was a long line of people wrapped around the store. We had already passed several lines for gas and food on the way there. We had gassed up just a few days before. The store was already out of water and more snow was expected the next day. Without electricity I was unable to really cook all the meals I had planned, but what was coming, I was sure, would be more fun.

As a native Texan, in this part of the state, you get use to the snow melting immediately. There is only one tiny ice or snow event a year, maybe every two years. It only lasts a few hours. But we had been watching the cutter ants lately, we noticed new birds hanging out and the bunnies had been going crazy. I took that all as a sign that something different was about to happen. More snow was predicted but... so often  that sort of thing passes us, miles away. However, I was still hoping for more snow. I had been wrong in the past, how do you think I came to collect so much fantastic outwear? Preparing for a snowstorm but always met with disappointment.

We remained without electricity until Friday night, luckier than most. I had already warmed up soup and made grilled cheese sandwiches, hot tea and warmed up bath water on the tiny grill. It brought back bad memories of living with the father of my child who had decided to just stop working several months before she was born and for several months after. Memories I  thought were long gone all returned. I remember living with no electricity and running water. We lived in terrible conditions, and I hate myself for not leaving the hospital and driving eight hours home, but a newborn and single mother are vulnerable creatures, that just wasn't possible. 

As the months went on my daughter and I found ourselves in a freezing cold shack, sleeping on the floor in OK, in the winter. There wasn't hot water there for several weeks and I learned to boil water in a stock pot to mix with icy water, and created enough water to shower. I learned to stretch food, I learned to cry and I learned how not to. I learned how to focus only on my child and to make her the very best with what I had, I learned I had magic and could give her beautiful worlds, I learned how to be present with her. I learned how to ignore, how to fall out of love and how to not be present with an abusive alcoholic. I learned how to make money out of a box of possessions I never thought I could part with. I learned how to take photos that made everyone think I am doing great and how to hide all the ugliness. Bad times. 

As the lovely snow became a nightmare for Texans, I started to read comments and had friends tell me about terrible, vivid nightmares they were having. While I didn't have nightmares, during the day I was struggling to fight off those terrible memories of the most awful person I've ever met. I wondered if it was PTSD or just a collective purging of negativity brought on by the weather. I started hearing of this before utilities started shutting off all over the state. Before traumatizing conditions began to hit the people in my state. Then it was Saturday and Sunday and it was beautiful and warm, the amazing snow was gone, long gone, like it never happened. The electricity and water had been restored. What had just happened? So much had transpired in a week. 

What we have not been able to stop talking about to each other is just how magical the field looked. Just out of a storybook. It reminded us of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. We were completely transported. It was an enchanting shock to our reality. I don't think we have been able to sleep all that great because that much snow, that much wishing for that much snow, here, my whole life, was just too much to process at the time. The joy in being able to experience it with my child, in a place where something like that not only never happens, but is never expected to happen. Magical. We collected snow to make snow cones with real blueberries and we poured condensed milk and maple syrup to make snow cream. We laughed because August had told everyone, the week before, that snow was coming. Her class just scoffed and her teacher said, "There is only a slight chance." She said, "No, it's going to snow!"