Missing: Dogs in Space OST Cassette Tape

 My daughter discovered the tape recorder, my old cassette collection and the joys of making her own mix-tape. I had a box with all the special and most valued cassettes: Dogs In Space and Yoko Ono were in this box. The box went missing. The other night I thought of when this could have happened. After divorce #1, #2 or #3.... each time I lost more of my things. Some I would miss like the cobolt blue candle holders I bought at BookPeople with my first paycheck from there. I lost records, CDs, books and DVDs, once gifted to me, but taken back in divorces. I probably would have purged  most of these things anyway, as every few years I collect a box of possessions that no longer serve me and leave them at the back door of a thrift store. 

  That was not the case with this box of cassette tapes. I purchased them all myself, for myself, little sacred boxes of music. To this day I still love the Dogs in Space OST and Yoko Ono. I thought of a woman I met in NYC and how we became friends and I once had her visit. She was cool and I loved what we found to talk about and her view on things. She also had a connection to Dogs in Space. The person I was married to at the time objected to her visit and left the home to stay with his parents. He enjoyed staying with his parents so I didn’t think this was an inconvenience. I was pleased when she wanted to stay a few more days. I had to go to work but took off after lunch so we could do fun things like lunch at the French restaurant. The person I was married to didn’t return until she returned to NYC. Soon after that he asked for a divorce. When I contacted my friend about our divorce, she never responded. It hurt and made me angry not hearing from her all those days, through the tears, packing up, moving out. I lost her friendship in the whole thing, and that was both sad and weird. The soon to be ex-husband didn't care for her and listed her stay as one of his grievances against me. I wondered if she had called the landline and he was rude.  I have never regretted having her over, though it was annoying defending someone who had just ghosted me. Sisters before misters.

 So the other night, when I couldn't sleep,  I wondered if maybe I gifted that cassette tape to her and forgot. In any case, it has been almost twenty years and I hope she is the one who has it. It was a fun visit and sweet friendship until then. I hate that what came up in my life caused my relationship with her to end. It was like carrying a stack of things out of the house, or placing boxes on the ground to load into the trunk of a car, something fell, I didn't see it, something was left behind, I didn't notice at the time. Later, once arriving at a safe place, once unpacking, never found again. I wonder where that box went, I wonder where a lot of things went, how they were lost, left behind, overlooked. I wish I knew how I offended her.  I wonder how she is doing. Where did that relationship go?